Am I a Salesperson at heart?

I originally went to school with the thought of getting my masters in Physical Therapy or Occupational Therapy. My major was Kinesiology and minor was Biology so I was well on my way.

Then I got caught up in the money of sales. I got a free car, great benefits, and a flexible schedule. I got to wear cute clothes, flirt, and bribe doctors and staff. That was pharmaceutical sales. I brought drug samples and lunch and that is how you, the patient, get your drug choices. Then diagnostic sales. Then surgical sales - yeah scrubs and surgery! Then dental sales. Do you see a pattern?

The pattern is I am never completely satisfied. I had great perks and made awesome money but it was not in my heart. I like to be needed. I like to help and I love to wake up and feel good about what I am doing, for myself and other people.

The companies I worked for always thought we were changing lives. Bullshit. It was all about the money, rank and awards. It was all about the closing the deal and what doctor I got on board.

Another pattern I noticed is that if I didn't hit my quota or bring in money I would not feel good about myself until I did. All about my sales success. I ignored how good I made people feel by the following 3rd pattern.

I also noticed my pattern of building relationships. I still keep in contact from accounts I called on years ago and ex coworkers. I got many letters of recommendation and referral names from many people I worked for and with. This is not bragging. Just an eye opener. I do not want to do sales for quota or ranking anymore. It takes the passion out of what it is I really am doing. I am not a salesperson at heart and it has taken me 10 years to admit that. Salespeople are thickskinned and energetic. They can also be very insecure and LAZY.

I could be destroyed about being laid off but face it, I was ready to go and this was the kick in the ass to open my eyes to other, not so glorious, opportunity.

Occupational therapy snuck back into my life. Having a look at what my friend Leslie will be going through when she gets out of the hospital, which has been since before xmas and she has been sedated, and seeing how independent my blind uncle needs to be, I want to be an Occupational Therapist. I want to make a difference. I would be lying if money wasn't an issue, cause it absolutely is. I support myself 100%. I also tend to pick up tabs when I am buzzed. Again, I digress.

This decision to leave something I am accustomed to for something new is oh so unsettling; but so far I have gotten great response. Normally the things I do are a little off and not always approved. ( which kind of makes me wanna do it more). Yes, that includes running marathons and doing an Ironman. There are a couple of people out there who do not embrace my decisions but this is acceptable and appreciated.

I have recruiters calling me for outside medical sales opportunity and the money sounds great but will I quit in a year? I am 37 and this year will be 38 and need a career. Not just a way to make a lot of money. Dang it! :) Kidding.

Oh yes - that is the feeling I remember.

I did not realize I would be signing up for the Austin Distance Challenge until I realized I was already doing the first three races of the Challenge. May as well finish it up!

It was an amazing day for a long run. Twenty miles...the longest I have run since the NYC marathon in 2004. I thought someone beat me with a bat when I finished the NYC marathon. My black and white cookie was waiting for me thank goodness. I digress.

I had NO desire to ever run another marathon after having done 11 of them. I was good. I know there are a lot of nutzos that do marathons all their lives and do one every month. Not me. I was done.

Except now I am signed up for the Austin marathon. Have to. Part of the challenge. Yeah. Except now I feel like I should round up to 15. Shit. 3 more?

When I hit the 18 mile mark on Sunday during the Runtex 20 miler my body was wondering what that new feeling of 19 and 20 miles was. It was like my brain and legs actually knew the difference of 2 extra miles. I am now starting to remember what a marathon feels like.

The last 6 miles have always been the hardest for me. The first 6 and the last 6. It takes me an hour to warm up and I can feel the head trash beginning to enter at around mile 20. If I hear people speaking or much less breathing around me I get so pissed off. God bless the volunteers and the spectators but please resist the urge to make me feel better by saying "just around the corner" or "it is all downhill from here". I will always appear appreciative because they mean well but it kills me and makes me have really mean thoughts.

I think I do my best marathons, not times, just enjoyment factor, when I sign up at last minute. From 1999 to 2004 I was always trained for a marathon so I could essentially just sign up at the expo. I did that once, told nobody I was doing it, and had a great time. By myself. For myself.

I have been living in Austin for almost 4 years now, feel like I belong here, met some wonderful, caring, people that I will forever have in my life...as a memory and and lifelong true friends. The Austin marathon will signify this time in my life to accomplish the challenge, maintain my health and positive attitude and think about these things when that feeling at mile 20 hits. I will clean the head trash out with many reasons for finishing and completing yet another marathon. Yeah for me!

Crazy for wanting to try an Ironman?

Rolling through 2008 events I think about all that has happened good and bad. The bad seems to stick in my head more than the good. I gotta remind myself to think of the good things I have going for me so those awful things don't depress me.

Just in the last two months, a training friend died, my kitty died, I lost my job, hard times with some of my family and my good friend Leslie is in the hospital sedated for now 13 days with a a vent and dialysis trying to stay alive. A friend decided to bitch my out on New Year's Eve over text messaging for "dissing her", got a speeding ticket and gained 8 pounds. It hurts when I get flat out lied. Three people in my life in 2008 lied to my face. Kills me.

Training for an Ironman this year will keep me from going into a state of depression I believe. I will be able to think clearly, stay healthy, meet people that are a positive influence in my life and have a focus on something other than the negative. This level of training will raise my endorphins to a point that I can turn these negatives into a positive. I will have less anxiety about life so I can move forward not worrrying so much. I won't be able to let myself sleep all day and cut myself off from my friends and family.

I am getting to a point in my life where I more ready than ever to get serious about what I want to be when I grow up. At 37 ( 38 this year)I am going to change my career, do an Ironman and learn to not be so commitment retarded as far as men go; meaning learn to not be attracted to the emotionally unavailable. That seems to be safe for me because I know it won't work out. I am ready to make it work. I will send out a better vibe.

I would be lying if I said losing weight wasn't a HUGE part of this training. I can't wait to walk into a store and everything fits!

I am ready to move forward and learn from the experiences good and bad instead of feeling sorry for myself. Keep my head up and stay positive and remember the many great friends I do have, the family I am lucky to have, my health, Peenut, the home I own, the car I have, and all that I have become in the years up to now.

I am excited to train for this Ironman. Doing an Ironman on my 38th birthday will be amazing.

Prayin for Leslie

I am leaving for Dallas in the morning to put a majic spell on my dear friend, Leslie McNeil. We used to live next door to each other when I lived in Dallas with Dan. We had many late nights and great fun pool time there at Chatham Court. We rang in Y2K in Padre and just last year I got to celebrate Leslie and Scott's wedding...again in Padre. She loves the beach and tequila. She has the most contagious laugh. Leslie will bend over backwards for anyone and everyone and loves to have friends around her. Scott and Leslie's relationship is a friendship and a love for each other that is hard to explain...awesome maybe?

Right before Christmas 2008, Scott took Leslie to urgent care because she was having trouble breathing and her heart was beating really fast. Leslie brushes it off as no big deal because, like many of us, she is stubborn and "strong". Scott insisted and urgent care sent them to Medical Center of Plano immediately. She has been there since that time, sedated. She was doing better then took a turn backwards. Now she is really sick again. She went in with pneumonia and they can not figure out what bacteria or virus it is that is killing her.

I am going there to be with our friends, support Scott and talk to her so she knows I am there. I love Leslie very much and can not lose her. I am thinking positive and praying like I have never prayed before.

She is a good woman and needs to stick around for a long while.

Pray for her.

My first big commitment

Time to start writing things down. I hope it helps me as a sort of "log" of what I have been doing and feeling in my life. This way I can improve...lord knows I have much room for improvement. There are many times I feel like I am immature or act younger that I am. When I try and act my age or older I feel like my personality is not happy. Then I think about all I have accomplished and it takes a level of maturity and commitment to do so. This is in no way disrespecting anybody else and what he or she has accomplished. Just my own life.

Raising kitty Jagermeister by myself for 18 years was my greatest commitment. He was with me since I was 19 years old. He lived with me and my Dad when my parents divorced; was waiting for me when I got out of the Radar Institute, then lived with me and my first boyfriend for 5 years in Houston; then my second boyfriend for 3 years in Dallas when I was doing things I should not have been doing. He moved with me to Austin and gave a stern look to any guy he knew wasn't good for me. He was a smart kitty. Jagermeister was the most vocal animal in the world and is most likely head of the kitty choir in heaven. He had two sugeries, kidney failure, high blood pressure, hyperthyroidism ( we removed his thyroid and STILL had a hyper thryroid). He lived with these diseases for years. Jagermeister was not ready to leave me and my poor choices. But towards the end he got to be 5 pounds and had a really fast heartrate. I took him to Dr. Oliver with intentions of bringing him home. After listening to Dr. Oliver and knowing that Jager could not really hear anymore and was howling at the walls...I felt it was his time. I did not want him to go from a stroke or something painful. That was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do. He depended on me to determine his destiny. He was with me through all of my crazy 20's and most of my 30's. I will forever be grateful to God for putting Jager in front of that Gerland's grocery store in Surgarland that evening so I could begin my life with him.

I didn't realize how quiet my home would be without a pet. I could have 1000 people coming in and out and there would still be this uneasy quiet. I was going crazy without an animal. Enter Peenut.