Leslie passed away this morning at 10:30.
Just as I was on my way to meet some training buddies for our longest ride yet, I got a call from Michelle, Robby and Barry. All able to cry and let me know her fight was over.
I was not sure what to do or feel. I process death so slowly and I can not cry. I hear pain and feel everything our little group of friends are feeling...and I can not cry. I have to force myself and sometimes even then it feels wrong.
I knew my reaction would not only bring attention to myself but probably made everyone extremely uncomfortable. I just happened to get the phone call as we were about to roll out. Sometimes I hope letting people know what happened will make me cry...because I really want to. Didn't happen.
I rode for 80 miles ( well 76 ) and tried to wrap my head around the fact that my amazing friend Leslie is gone. She fought so long and so hard that she just could not do it anymore. I had about 5 hours to process this and still...I just can not believe it.
After my ride I spoke to Michelle, Kathy and Laura about when the service will be. Still - no crying!
Leslie LOVED the beach. If that girl could live in a bikini everyday all day she would. She loved her tequila and Padre. She loved cruises and most of all loved being surrounded by her close friends. Leslie would bend over backwards to make everyone happy - even though she acted so aloof at times. Even at her and Scott's wedding she stressed herself out to make sure everyone was good.
Leslie was my next door neighbor when I lived in Dallas so I have known her since 1995. She was so funny with the deaf and blind dog she had for years. She loved that dog. I moved to Austin and we remained in touch....thanks to her. I could go without talking to her for a couple of months and then catch up right where we left off. She was a blessing. I am so thankful to have had her in my life and so happy to have gone to their wedding. It made her so happy that I came...all by myself. I would not have missed it for the world.
I thought writing this could possibly land a tear. Nope. We shall see what kind of basketcase I become after seeing everyone when I go to Dallas on Monday. Laura called me to offer me a place to stay. These are the most thoughtful people I have EVER known and I never want to lose contact with them.
I want to be there for Scott, Michelle and Fred, Robby and Allie, Barry and Julie, Laura and Bert, Kathy, Tina, and Marybeth. I believe these were her closest friends and if just being there for them helps in anyway then I won't worry about myself and my inablity to cry. Who cares. It is not about me.
Rest in Peace Leslie.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Leslie
I would like to start by saying I feel like throwing up everytime I think of losing Leslie. Alrighty then.
Leslie has been at the Medical Center of Plano since DECEMBER 23, 2008. I can not stand this hospital. She went in for pneumonia then got worse:
1) Labored breathing – several times normal rate
2) Dangerous heart rate – as high as 160 beats per minute
3) Pneumonia – pneumococcal bacteria
4) Dehydration
5) Low blood pressure
6) Ventilator - on for 25 days (12/24/08 – 01/18/09)
- off for 10 days (01/18/09 – 01/28/09)
- back on for 11 days (01/28/09 – 02/08/09)
- off for 5 days (02/08/09 – 02/15/09)
- back on for ? days (02/15/09 -?)
7) Fever – as high as 102.5
8) Pneumonia continuing to grow
9) Blood count low - 24 units of red blood since Jan. 1st, 16 units of plasma, 1 unit of cryopec, 1 unit of platelets.
10) Fungal infection - yeast
11) Infection confirmed as Septic – in the blood stream and likely to affect organs – source unknown
12) Fluid around the liver and all over her body
13) Kidney failure – put on continuous dialysis (01/03/09 – 01/18/09)
14) Put on Hemodialysis 01/20/ 09 for 3 ½ hours three days a week – still ongoing
15) Liver showing signs of stress – jaundice appearance
16) Poor circulation – fingers and toes turning purple at times
17) Chronic inflammation of Gall Bladder – drainage tube inserted
18) White blood count 3-4 times normal indicating presence of unidentified infection
19) Arterial fibrillation
20) Critical Care neuropathy diagnosed – inability to move arms / legs – now called myopathy
21) Physical, occupational, speech therapy – currently cut back to physical only + wound treatment
22) Bleeding from all tubes in her body
23) Seizure
24) Bladder near bursting and filled with clots
25) Bleeding from bladder
26) Unable to respond except an occasional nod or blink of the eyes
27) Being fed via feeding tube and IV
28) Lesions on Liver and spleen
29) Spleen infarction – death of tissue
30) Bed sores
31) Foot drop – which will give her difficulty walking
32) During a suctioning out of her lungs, the trumpeter tube was sucked out of position into her throat requiring a Doctor from Emergency to remove it
33) Mucus plug had to be removed from her throat by a doctor using a camera in order to see
34) A contagious Urinary infection (VRE)
35) Endless tests. X-rays, MRIs, EEGs, Cranial Cat Scan, EKG, HIDA scan, TEE (Trans Esophageal Echo) to look at heart
She has been treated by at least the following specialists:
Internist
Lungs
Gastro Intestinal
Kidney
Hematologist
Cardiologist
Neurologist
Nephrologist
Infectious diseases
Surgeon
Urinary
Emergency Room Doctor
I can not even begin to imagine nor do I EVER want to go through what my dear Scott is going through. Scott and Leslie are soulmates. The kind of relationship I dream of. They trust each other and understand each other's good and bad sides. This is the kind of relationship I feel honored to know and want so much to see it continue.
I love Leslie very much. She will do anything for anybody at the risk of making herself sick. A huge heart and a caring soul Leslie will always be a part of my life. I am praying harder than ever that she can pull through. I will not give up on you Leslie Lau.
Leslie has been at the Medical Center of Plano since DECEMBER 23, 2008. I can not stand this hospital. She went in for pneumonia then got worse:
1) Labored breathing – several times normal rate
2) Dangerous heart rate – as high as 160 beats per minute
3) Pneumonia – pneumococcal bacteria
4) Dehydration
5) Low blood pressure
6) Ventilator - on for 25 days (12/24/08 – 01/18/09)
- off for 10 days (01/18/09 – 01/28/09)
- back on for 11 days (01/28/09 – 02/08/09)
- off for 5 days (02/08/09 – 02/15/09)
- back on for ? days (02/15/09 -?)
7) Fever – as high as 102.5
8) Pneumonia continuing to grow
9) Blood count low - 24 units of red blood since Jan. 1st, 16 units of plasma, 1 unit of cryopec, 1 unit of platelets.
10) Fungal infection - yeast
11) Infection confirmed as Septic – in the blood stream and likely to affect organs – source unknown
12) Fluid around the liver and all over her body
13) Kidney failure – put on continuous dialysis (01/03/09 – 01/18/09)
14) Put on Hemodialysis 01/20/ 09 for 3 ½ hours three days a week – still ongoing
15) Liver showing signs of stress – jaundice appearance
16) Poor circulation – fingers and toes turning purple at times
17) Chronic inflammation of Gall Bladder – drainage tube inserted
18) White blood count 3-4 times normal indicating presence of unidentified infection
19) Arterial fibrillation
20) Critical Care neuropathy diagnosed – inability to move arms / legs – now called myopathy
21) Physical, occupational, speech therapy – currently cut back to physical only + wound treatment
22) Bleeding from all tubes in her body
23) Seizure
24) Bladder near bursting and filled with clots
25) Bleeding from bladder
26) Unable to respond except an occasional nod or blink of the eyes
27) Being fed via feeding tube and IV
28) Lesions on Liver and spleen
29) Spleen infarction – death of tissue
30) Bed sores
31) Foot drop – which will give her difficulty walking
32) During a suctioning out of her lungs, the trumpeter tube was sucked out of position into her throat requiring a Doctor from Emergency to remove it
33) Mucus plug had to be removed from her throat by a doctor using a camera in order to see
34) A contagious Urinary infection (VRE)
35) Endless tests. X-rays, MRIs, EEGs, Cranial Cat Scan, EKG, HIDA scan, TEE (Trans Esophageal Echo) to look at heart
She has been treated by at least the following specialists:
Internist
Lungs
Gastro Intestinal
Kidney
Hematologist
Cardiologist
Neurologist
Nephrologist
Infectious diseases
Surgeon
Urinary
Emergency Room Doctor
I can not even begin to imagine nor do I EVER want to go through what my dear Scott is going through. Scott and Leslie are soulmates. The kind of relationship I dream of. They trust each other and understand each other's good and bad sides. This is the kind of relationship I feel honored to know and want so much to see it continue.
I love Leslie very much. She will do anything for anybody at the risk of making herself sick. A huge heart and a caring soul Leslie will always be a part of my life. I am praying harder than ever that she can pull through. I will not give up on you Leslie Lau.
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